It is so. I sit in my room on most of my days off. Cut off from the outside world unless forced to go out for work or if I'm in need of supplies or food. My means of contact on the outside world is either the internet or the phone. Is there anyone who could save me from this solitude.
Ugh. I wish I could save myself. Wyoming is so different than Japan. Seriously. Or at least my job I think was a little more nicer. There I could openly mingle with the people around me, whereas here, my job is kinda secluded and the people that are there with me are usually those I don't want to associate with. They at least have people in their group they can hang with. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE PAIN! But whatever. Someday, somehow, I'll break this shell of mine and be able to socialize once again. At least the days off are extremely nice. Hopefully they stay that way.
Anyways, it's been close to a year since I've updated this blog. I can't help but tell my friend, "I told you so" as far as my updates go. Since all my sincere thoughts go away as soon as I start typing. Maybe it's just my horrible timing. Not that many would come look my way to hear thoughts for a stranger, especially someone as boring as I. But I guess, it's good to just use it as a journal of some sort.
Artwise, I'm finally getting things done, which makes certian people happy. But since I just recently got internet installed, my productivity will probably decrease from this moment forward. Hopefully it won't but it's happen many a time in the past. I'm very tempted to want to just post small comic strips on the blog for daily/past/personal events but we'll see how that goes. Chances are they aren't going to nicely made, maybe just a quick sketch or something but putting all that effort into something takes too much time and I have another prior project that I need to work on before I'm beatin' to death by a very anxious friend who wants me to advance at some point. Haha. At least there's someone who naggs/motivates/threatens/cares enough to make me do things... sometimes. Haha. But for now, I most go and work on that project that I've only put off for 4 years.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Because Someone Nagged Me
Well it's that time again. Time to update this thing.
Well since last I've written, I had taken a month long vacation and returned to work.
My vacation to the Philippines was wonderful. How I've missed the Philippines, not so much for the weather but being able to see people I haven't seen in almost 5 years. Because of my job I had to take it in March unsure of whether or not I would be sent downrange. But luckily I wasn't, but it was still a perfect time to go nonetheless. The weather was good and I wasn't viciously attacked by my worst enemy over there, mosquitoes. They had always loved to eat me up while I stayed over there. I had surely gained some weight over the past few years and from that point I had made it a goal to lose it by the next time I visited. How uncomfortable it was to be surrounded by thinner, younger and prettier females. Made me uneasy hanging out with my friends not to mention the whole language barrier that we still have yet to overcome. At least they had tried. I totally failed on my part. But I find it interesting to see them get excited when you use one word in Tagalog. The Japanese are the same. Since we had a new house down there, I had offered to help out my parents with furnishing the place since I now make some money. And with my mother there, she made sure she used every dollar (or in this case Peso) to its fullest. She might stay there for a while arguing (or what they had called bargaining) for an item even just to save a couple of cents. I don't understand it, but that's how they've always done it. Overall the trip was worthwhile, even if I had spent 75% of it in the house drawing/ watching television or spending it in a car since the nearest town from ours was 30 minutes away. Oh joy.
Then I returned home where I would be hanging out with my friends during spring break. I didn't spend all my time with them, seeing as they have their own lives to attend to and time doesn't stop just because I took leave. It was nice, a little more relaxing except for going to the gym, but it was good for me anyways, so I can't complain. Seen a lot of movies, did lots of nothing, had a car battery die, bought a few things and played old gameboy games. Oh and don't forget drawing. I did tons of that.
Oh and the reason I didn't update in March and April was because my laptop was going through a virus fit. But as you can clearly see, it's fine and running smoothly. This is because I rarely save things onto my actual laptop anymore. It'll now be transfered onto my new lovely external hard drive. I'm just hoping that never dies, for I will be devastated.
This is a picture of me and my friends while I was in the Philippines. I had a really bad camera back then so the picture isn't as clear or nice, but it worked so It doesn't matter.
This was our newly built house. I really like it. It was sorta small but it didn't need to be big anyways. I liked the color of the house but I soon came to realize that all the really nicely built houses around the area were also the same color. XD Taken during our "House Blessing" party.
Well I did return back to Japan. Can't say I was really thrilled. I love Japan, not so much the stress of work. It actually didn't start off too bad. I had even returned just in time for the blooming of the Cherry Blossoms, which I was afraid of missing since this would be my last spring to be able to see them. I had wanted to go with a few friends, but in the last minute my good friend had to go to a mandatory appointment and my other one had wanted to be lazy that day. (Boo on him) But I did get to go with somebody, which is all I wanted. I went with my lazy friend's wife, who was pretty cool. We even bought some flowers together which surprisingly are still alive. And the park we went to was enormous. We walked around for about 2 hours and we still didn't see the whole park. But still pretty awesome anyways.
These are some of the pictures I had taken while I was at Showa Park in Nishi-Tachikawa, Japan around the time the Cherry blossoms were blooming (obviously). As you can see, the pictures are better quality because I finally bought myself a higher quality camera. :D This is the most random collaboration of pictures.
This was actually one of the smaller shrines we went to when a couple of friends and I decided to go to Kamakura/ Enoshima. We had originally planned on going to the beach, but the guys wanted to be difficult and stop at EVERY shrine or temple we saw. And I even forgot to take pictures when we did reach the beach which we probably spent less than an hour at. I was mad. But we did get to throw a couple of people in the ocean even when they didn't have extra clothes. Awesome. :D
This was a fun night. I got to go with some of the Japanese ladies that work with us and at different facilities and had some fun at Karaoke. I thought they'd just sing for 2 hours and it ended up being 4 hours. Man was I tired by the end of it, but it was fun. I wanna do it again sometime.
Here is to prove that even if I don't post online alot that I still do draw stuff. I post little chibi drawings on my door. Some people enjoy looking at them and some people like swiping my dry-erase an hour after I've drawn on it. D: But that will not discourage me because I'll constantly redraw whatever is on there. 'Cause I don't care what they do. But I think they're starting steal my newspaper. Shame on them. The second picture is to prove to D that that really is my room. See! My name is on it! I'm gonna test you to see if you now know my room #!!
But so, nothing new is really happening these days. There was some drama with friends but I wasn't included in it, so it wouldn't be right for me to post it. But overall, I think things will start to look a little better. I'm hoping so for my sanity's sake.
And that's it for now, till next time. I hope you're happy now Diana. Oh and here's a picture of my plant I got from the park.
And you can see outside my window into the parking lot and see my stuffed Pink panther plushie.
PS. This took to long to write and wait for the picture to upload. D:
Well since last I've written, I had taken a month long vacation and returned to work.
My vacation to the Philippines was wonderful. How I've missed the Philippines, not so much for the weather but being able to see people I haven't seen in almost 5 years. Because of my job I had to take it in March unsure of whether or not I would be sent downrange. But luckily I wasn't, but it was still a perfect time to go nonetheless. The weather was good and I wasn't viciously attacked by my worst enemy over there, mosquitoes. They had always loved to eat me up while I stayed over there. I had surely gained some weight over the past few years and from that point I had made it a goal to lose it by the next time I visited. How uncomfortable it was to be surrounded by thinner, younger and prettier females. Made me uneasy hanging out with my friends not to mention the whole language barrier that we still have yet to overcome. At least they had tried. I totally failed on my part. But I find it interesting to see them get excited when you use one word in Tagalog. The Japanese are the same. Since we had a new house down there, I had offered to help out my parents with furnishing the place since I now make some money. And with my mother there, she made sure she used every dollar (or in this case Peso) to its fullest. She might stay there for a while arguing (or what they had called bargaining) for an item even just to save a couple of cents. I don't understand it, but that's how they've always done it. Overall the trip was worthwhile, even if I had spent 75% of it in the house drawing/ watching television or spending it in a car since the nearest town from ours was 30 minutes away. Oh joy.
Then I returned home where I would be hanging out with my friends during spring break. I didn't spend all my time with them, seeing as they have their own lives to attend to and time doesn't stop just because I took leave. It was nice, a little more relaxing except for going to the gym, but it was good for me anyways, so I can't complain. Seen a lot of movies, did lots of nothing, had a car battery die, bought a few things and played old gameboy games. Oh and don't forget drawing. I did tons of that.
Oh and the reason I didn't update in March and April was because my laptop was going through a virus fit. But as you can clearly see, it's fine and running smoothly. This is because I rarely save things onto my actual laptop anymore. It'll now be transfered onto my new lovely external hard drive. I'm just hoping that never dies, for I will be devastated.
This is a picture of me and my friends while I was in the Philippines. I had a really bad camera back then so the picture isn't as clear or nice, but it worked so It doesn't matter.
This was our newly built house. I really like it. It was sorta small but it didn't need to be big anyways. I liked the color of the house but I soon came to realize that all the really nicely built houses around the area were also the same color. XD Taken during our "House Blessing" party.
Well I did return back to Japan. Can't say I was really thrilled. I love Japan, not so much the stress of work. It actually didn't start off too bad. I had even returned just in time for the blooming of the Cherry Blossoms, which I was afraid of missing since this would be my last spring to be able to see them. I had wanted to go with a few friends, but in the last minute my good friend had to go to a mandatory appointment and my other one had wanted to be lazy that day. (Boo on him) But I did get to go with somebody, which is all I wanted. I went with my lazy friend's wife, who was pretty cool. We even bought some flowers together which surprisingly are still alive. And the park we went to was enormous. We walked around for about 2 hours and we still didn't see the whole park. But still pretty awesome anyways.
These are some of the pictures I had taken while I was at Showa Park in Nishi-Tachikawa, Japan around the time the Cherry blossoms were blooming (obviously). As you can see, the pictures are better quality because I finally bought myself a higher quality camera. :D This is the most random collaboration of pictures.
This was actually one of the smaller shrines we went to when a couple of friends and I decided to go to Kamakura/ Enoshima. We had originally planned on going to the beach, but the guys wanted to be difficult and stop at EVERY shrine or temple we saw. And I even forgot to take pictures when we did reach the beach which we probably spent less than an hour at. I was mad. But we did get to throw a couple of people in the ocean even when they didn't have extra clothes. Awesome. :D
This was a fun night. I got to go with some of the Japanese ladies that work with us and at different facilities and had some fun at Karaoke. I thought they'd just sing for 2 hours and it ended up being 4 hours. Man was I tired by the end of it, but it was fun. I wanna do it again sometime.
Here is to prove that even if I don't post online alot that I still do draw stuff. I post little chibi drawings on my door. Some people enjoy looking at them and some people like swiping my dry-erase an hour after I've drawn on it. D: But that will not discourage me because I'll constantly redraw whatever is on there. 'Cause I don't care what they do. But I think they're starting steal my newspaper. Shame on them. The second picture is to prove to D that that really is my room. See! My name is on it! I'm gonna test you to see if you now know my room #!!
But so, nothing new is really happening these days. There was some drama with friends but I wasn't included in it, so it wouldn't be right for me to post it. But overall, I think things will start to look a little better. I'm hoping so for my sanity's sake.
And that's it for now, till next time. I hope you're happy now Diana. Oh and here's a picture of my plant I got from the park.
And you can see outside my window into the parking lot and see my stuffed Pink panther plushie.
PS. This took to long to write and wait for the picture to upload. D:
Friday, February 15, 2008
I haven't quite reached rock bottom, but I'm standing on that rock.
Oh, how the time does fly. And how easily I forget about this thing. Once again, I'm reminded that this should be updated at least monthly. Seriously, I was hoping for weekly, but as you can see, it didn't turn out so well.
Oh, what to say, what to say.
Really. It's been kinda depressing since the last I updated. Someone I really like had finally left and it has me feeling kinda lonely. REAL lonely. I heard that he had liked me back, but by the time I had found out, I guess it was kinda late. Heh, I kinda wanted to tell him several times on the phone, but I lost the courage to. At this point, I don't think he would think the same about me anymore even though I still think about him a lot, even when I don't want to. But we talk. And that's all I ask for.
I'm sure that he will find someone else and hopefully I will find someone as well. It was seriously a lot more fun hanging out with him than I realized. Our four-man cell is now being lazy and somewhat irritating. Seriously. I think one of them is hiding something from me and the other is getting on my nerves for different reasons. Really though, I think everyone is just splitting up and doing their own thing. So many of them are getting married or are already married, so a lot of their focus is on their families, and I guess I can't complain. But does it really hurt to just hang out for a while?
People change I guess. You grow out of things and nothing is the same anymore. And I'm still living in a fantasy world that still thinks that the old times still exist. And when I slowly begin to realize that this is all happening and it has happened, I'm filled with despair. It will not be the same. Being separated can either bring people together or tear them apart. And with the friends I have made here, it feels as if our bonds are almost torn apart. But then again, maybe I'm just trying to hard to hold on. But one thing is for certain, I feel better knowing that the bonds with my friends back home are still strong. And that's all I could ever really want.
----
But on a lighter note. Or not so lighter note, I have a messed up sleep schedule. I hate that I have training, therefore, it requires me to get up early to go to it. I hate that some shifts end up being short manned and I am the one helping out causing more sleep problems. Really, I should be moved to a different position. As soon as this past team has come back, I think they want everyone to be rotated around. And if they want to do it, they should, just don't make me the one that has to be flexible. Keep me in one area and let me do that certain shift. This is why I end up being cranky Every Single Day. Seriously. I don't feel like being a B**** when I work; I really don't.
And also, my computer is retarded. It lags real bad on and media (video & audio) files and it even messes up the welcome tune. D: I very sad day indeed. But it also just lags period. I don't really know how it happened, but it did and I don't know how to fix it. I'll probably just erase everything and reinstall everything. Which will suck, but it's better than waiting for my computer to load up my settings for 20 minutes when it usually only took about 5 before. D: Why must my electronics die on me?
Yesterday was Valentines Day. I got roses from my guys friends (just the 2 I normally hang out with), candy from a friend and a card from another friend. And I helped serve (actually I more or less just sat around) the Valentines meal at our facility. But hey, I made the pretty sign and did a darn good job on my menus, if I do say so myself. :D And I got to drink a lot of good freakin' sparkling cider to boot. I need more of that stuff, seriously. I thought me and my friends were going to do something and we didn't. Boo.
Also, 14 days till I take leave.
Till next month,
Steph
And it won't let me upload my pics.... lovely....
Oh, what to say, what to say.
Really. It's been kinda depressing since the last I updated. Someone I really like had finally left and it has me feeling kinda lonely. REAL lonely. I heard that he had liked me back, but by the time I had found out, I guess it was kinda late. Heh, I kinda wanted to tell him several times on the phone, but I lost the courage to. At this point, I don't think he would think the same about me anymore even though I still think about him a lot, even when I don't want to. But we talk. And that's all I ask for.
I'm sure that he will find someone else and hopefully I will find someone as well. It was seriously a lot more fun hanging out with him than I realized. Our four-man cell is now being lazy and somewhat irritating. Seriously. I think one of them is hiding something from me and the other is getting on my nerves for different reasons. Really though, I think everyone is just splitting up and doing their own thing. So many of them are getting married or are already married, so a lot of their focus is on their families, and I guess I can't complain. But does it really hurt to just hang out for a while?
People change I guess. You grow out of things and nothing is the same anymore. And I'm still living in a fantasy world that still thinks that the old times still exist. And when I slowly begin to realize that this is all happening and it has happened, I'm filled with despair. It will not be the same. Being separated can either bring people together or tear them apart. And with the friends I have made here, it feels as if our bonds are almost torn apart. But then again, maybe I'm just trying to hard to hold on. But one thing is for certain, I feel better knowing that the bonds with my friends back home are still strong. And that's all I could ever really want.
----
But on a lighter note. Or not so lighter note, I have a messed up sleep schedule. I hate that I have training, therefore, it requires me to get up early to go to it. I hate that some shifts end up being short manned and I am the one helping out causing more sleep problems. Really, I should be moved to a different position. As soon as this past team has come back, I think they want everyone to be rotated around. And if they want to do it, they should, just don't make me the one that has to be flexible. Keep me in one area and let me do that certain shift. This is why I end up being cranky Every Single Day. Seriously. I don't feel like being a B**** when I work; I really don't.
And also, my computer is retarded. It lags real bad on and media (video & audio) files and it even messes up the welcome tune. D: I very sad day indeed. But it also just lags period. I don't really know how it happened, but it did and I don't know how to fix it. I'll probably just erase everything and reinstall everything. Which will suck, but it's better than waiting for my computer to load up my settings for 20 minutes when it usually only took about 5 before. D: Why must my electronics die on me?
Yesterday was Valentines Day. I got roses from my guys friends (just the 2 I normally hang out with), candy from a friend and a card from another friend. And I helped serve (actually I more or less just sat around) the Valentines meal at our facility. But hey, I made the pretty sign and did a darn good job on my menus, if I do say so myself. :D And I got to drink a lot of good freakin' sparkling cider to boot. I need more of that stuff, seriously. I thought me and my friends were going to do something and we didn't. Boo.
Also, 14 days till I take leave.
Till next month,
Steph
And it won't let me upload my pics.... lovely....
Saturday, January 5, 2008
A New Year, A New Post
So a friend of mine told me, I don't post enough. She's right. I don't forget these things either. Sometimes I wish they were here to beat me up. Put some intimidation into me. Let's hope 2008 can do better than 2007, because in all honesty, it really REALLY sucked. I don't really want to start the new years off like this, but it'll have to do.
Hmmm.. Nothing like posting art. This is new for me, sorta. I don't like posting unfinished pieces of art, even to friends. I find them very personal to me, and I don't like being judged. But maybe I just need to come out once in a while and take a beating for once in my life. Actually D told me to post and she might be me up if I don't. D: But she'll get hers, I'll make sure to eat the last meatball! (haha I look like Gin! :D) And to be honest, I laughed at that whole conversation we had about it on AIM.
You know what sucks? The fact that I draw really lightly and that even though it looks clean on the paper, it doesn't when its scanned and it's not very clear. But I'll just have to deal with it.
Some random sketches of characters. Some practice with anatomy, which I think I fail at sometimes. Do you ever think that something that you just made looks really good and the next day you just then realized all of the mistakes you had made that you seemed to overlook the day before? I think that all the time. These are okay. I don't they're my best but I just like looking at my sketches. Maybe I'll improve.
I liked this page a little. Still some problems with anatomy but that's okay. My favorite is the one on the way right. It was fun to do. I think I draw better in my Japanese class than when I'm at home sometimes. But then again, I try more harder at home than in class and it's difficult to draw sometimes when you're thinking about it rather than just letting your hand do all the work.
I'm rather pleased with this. Ashina's (left) anatomy bugs me a little but I think Amira (right) looks okay. I found out I really like hair. P:
I was going to make "Extra" pages for my manga explaining a few things about Majestic and the such. But I got lazy. I still wanna do it, but I somewhat lack motivation. Watch as Ashina (back) points out all my mistakes.
And just some more practice with characters. I tried to give Kobochi (top) some winter clothes because who the hell goes around the forest in the winter in a MINI SKIRT? Only my characters I guess. Hey, I figure if I can run outside at below 50 in shorts, than so should someone in a skirt. XD Oh well. And other than that I think I did a decent sketch of Miyami (bottom). So their.
Things have happened this past month. Some were good, others were bad, but there is no regrets at this point. What happens, happens and it a new year. Lets try and make it better than 2007!
Hmmm.. Nothing like posting art. This is new for me, sorta. I don't like posting unfinished pieces of art, even to friends. I find them very personal to me, and I don't like being judged. But maybe I just need to come out once in a while and take a beating for once in my life. Actually D told me to post and she might be me up if I don't. D: But she'll get hers, I'll make sure to eat the last meatball! (haha I look like Gin! :D) And to be honest, I laughed at that whole conversation we had about it on AIM.
You know what sucks? The fact that I draw really lightly and that even though it looks clean on the paper, it doesn't when its scanned and it's not very clear. But I'll just have to deal with it.
Some random sketches of characters. Some practice with anatomy, which I think I fail at sometimes. Do you ever think that something that you just made looks really good and the next day you just then realized all of the mistakes you had made that you seemed to overlook the day before? I think that all the time. These are okay. I don't they're my best but I just like looking at my sketches. Maybe I'll improve.
I liked this page a little. Still some problems with anatomy but that's okay. My favorite is the one on the way right. It was fun to do. I think I draw better in my Japanese class than when I'm at home sometimes. But then again, I try more harder at home than in class and it's difficult to draw sometimes when you're thinking about it rather than just letting your hand do all the work.
I'm rather pleased with this. Ashina's (left) anatomy bugs me a little but I think Amira (right) looks okay. I found out I really like hair. P:
I was going to make "Extra" pages for my manga explaining a few things about Majestic and the such. But I got lazy. I still wanna do it, but I somewhat lack motivation. Watch as Ashina (back) points out all my mistakes.
And just some more practice with characters. I tried to give Kobochi (top) some winter clothes because who the hell goes around the forest in the winter in a MINI SKIRT? Only my characters I guess. Hey, I figure if I can run outside at below 50 in shorts, than so should someone in a skirt. XD Oh well. And other than that I think I did a decent sketch of Miyami (bottom). So their.Things have happened this past month. Some were good, others were bad, but there is no regrets at this point. What happens, happens and it a new year. Lets try and make it better than 2007!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Hmmm... I haven't updated in the longest.
I guess this whole blog this WAS one of those things I couldn't keep up with. It wasn't like I never thought about it, but more like every time I ever thought about writing something, it was at a time when I was A. Nowhere near a computer, B. Needed to be asleep, or C. Because I was just somehow distracted by something else. I usually try to think of themes for things I write. In other words, I guess I just take this so seriously. Like I'll be judged upon how I write in these things like it's some school essay. But most people just go with the flow regardless of who will be reading and/or what they might think. And to me, those people are the most interesting.
I like to observe things. Which is what causes me to stray from things I should be doing. And probably why I don't ever really get things done that either should be done or something I want accomplished. I do not post on DA a lot. And mostly it's because I would like to have something at LEAST decent to put on there and most of the time, I don't. But I do like spending hours looking at other people's pictures. I like detail pictures (and no, they don't have to be anime) and I would like to imagine how one would be able to create such a thing using any kind of program. I'm used to using OpenCanvas and MS Paint. So much for my advancement. But it's just amazing what people will come up with. And I'm also impressed at some of the ages of these certain people and just amazed at how much they can do and just knowing the potential they can have or already have. And even though it impresses me, it also at the same time, makes me kind of depressed. How can someone still in High school or middle school acquire such talents? Sometimes I wonder if I would ever make it as an artist. Of course, I think I do pretty well considering the tools I have. I may not always think the best of my art, but it's appreciated when someone thinks it's nice.
Unless it's only because it's decent FANART. Then I don't really consider myself that great.
But also, I'm interested in writing even if I don't do well in it myself. I like to read little articles when I see them. Mostly, I just like to read other people's opinion and observations. Or stories. Because they're nice and real. I think I get the most joy out of them. And sometimes, I wish I could come up with some story about my life, even for just a few sentences. But for me, I find it hard to put things into words. I don't feel as if I put enough emotion it for anyone to really know how I felt. Or maybe, it's because I would like to keep the feeling to myself.
Sometimes I find it hard to write about stuff because I'm either going to be embarrassed or I feel like someone might judge me because of it. But then again... I only know of one friend who reads this blog and she doesn't judge me. She hasn't yet and I don't believe she will. And there simply isn't a reason to worry about what anything anyone else might think, when I really don't know who might be reading this. And I'm pretty sure the only person who will read this is my friend.
A story to tell.
It is December. A very busy month indeed. Christmas is only days away and the stress of trying to accomplish things can literally drive someone insane. For me, it is especially difficult. I going to have to spend yet another Christmas away from my family. I would have loved to have been there to hang up Christmas lights, decorated the tree and be surrounded by people who have missed me and haven't been able to see me for the past year. And despite that, I still got to do that. And although it wasn't with my biological family, it was still with my Services family. It's a nice feeling when you can't be home. Simple things such putting up a Christmas tree can make me a better mood. Being able to decorate my office. Small things can also bring happiness.
But not all things go as planned.
A small group of friends had been for about 2 weeks had tried to get Christmas off together. It had finally had happened. We decided that we would spend it in Disneyland. It sounded great at first until my Japanese co-workers told us it would be a really bad time to go, with it being so crowded because of Christmas. But my friends were dead set on it, as much as I really didn't want to go at that point. Because not only would it be an expensive trip ($240 for hotel room and a pass to both Disneyland and Disneysea), but the thought of waiting in a line for 10 hours in a day didn't sound so appealing. But it was easier to be angry about it than to have them hate me because I didn't go with them.
It was decided. We were going to Disneyland. Or so they think.
The past couple of weeks were sort of stressful. Lots of work and very little down time. There had been multiple training days, different event going on, Japanese striking against the government and a lot of flippin' flight meals going out. To the point now where all I really kinda wanna do is lay on my bed all day watching anime (Bleach and Naruto FTW). But last night, things had happened. Because of the Training schedule, I was appointed to work for someone else's shift to cover the people who had training. Not a really big deal, but now I do want to ever be put back on shift ever again. Ugh. But then there were meals that needed to be done and so I spent an extra 2-3 hours overtime completing that little task. And I don't get paid overtime. Some of my friends work the night shift. I was there. Until the meal ended. I was dead tired. I was up at 6 am and I was still at work at 1 am the next day. I said my goodbyes to them. I had been a little down because I was there longer than necessary and I had found out that my extension had been denied.
I get a call the next morning. "Do you know what happened to night shift?" It was 5 am and I got about 3 hours of sleep. I told him I didn't and he said he'd call back. I fell back asleep. I can't run on 3 hours. I finally wake up around 9 and I get another call later.
Apparently my friend got arrested and I was going to take their place on shift that night. And the only thing I could think about was how the hell did they get arrested. In the dining facility? Did a Security Forces guy complain about a meal?
Story goes, they left sometime after I left so someone could go pay off their tab at a Bar. Okay. Understandable. But who watching the building? They left the building with no one watching and the doors are unlocked. And then they decide to go drinking and they DRIVE into base thinking someone might not notice. And from there you can only guess what happened. They got caught and they're in lots of trouble.
Sometimes I just wonder what goes through people's mind sometime. What makes you think it'll be okay? Sometimes my friends don't make the smartest choices. I just wanna punch in the face and ask what they were thinking, but when I do see them, I get less angry and more concerned. Because that's how I am.
And we won't find out what will happen till Monday. But I went out with him to go eat. He didn't want to be alone and I was happy enough to go along with him. It was nice. It's good to know someone can rely on you and that you make them feel better.
I'm hoping for a better year next year. Hopefully with less surprises and more blessings. Till next time (hopefully within the next week), I wish thee all well.
-Steph
I guess this whole blog this WAS one of those things I couldn't keep up with. It wasn't like I never thought about it, but more like every time I ever thought about writing something, it was at a time when I was A. Nowhere near a computer, B. Needed to be asleep, or C. Because I was just somehow distracted by something else. I usually try to think of themes for things I write. In other words, I guess I just take this so seriously. Like I'll be judged upon how I write in these things like it's some school essay. But most people just go with the flow regardless of who will be reading and/or what they might think. And to me, those people are the most interesting.
I like to observe things. Which is what causes me to stray from things I should be doing. And probably why I don't ever really get things done that either should be done or something I want accomplished. I do not post on DA a lot. And mostly it's because I would like to have something at LEAST decent to put on there and most of the time, I don't. But I do like spending hours looking at other people's pictures. I like detail pictures (and no, they don't have to be anime) and I would like to imagine how one would be able to create such a thing using any kind of program. I'm used to using OpenCanvas and MS Paint. So much for my advancement. But it's just amazing what people will come up with. And I'm also impressed at some of the ages of these certain people and just amazed at how much they can do and just knowing the potential they can have or already have. And even though it impresses me, it also at the same time, makes me kind of depressed. How can someone still in High school or middle school acquire such talents? Sometimes I wonder if I would ever make it as an artist. Of course, I think I do pretty well considering the tools I have. I may not always think the best of my art, but it's appreciated when someone thinks it's nice.
Unless it's only because it's decent FANART. Then I don't really consider myself that great.
But also, I'm interested in writing even if I don't do well in it myself. I like to read little articles when I see them. Mostly, I just like to read other people's opinion and observations. Or stories. Because they're nice and real. I think I get the most joy out of them. And sometimes, I wish I could come up with some story about my life, even for just a few sentences. But for me, I find it hard to put things into words. I don't feel as if I put enough emotion it for anyone to really know how I felt. Or maybe, it's because I would like to keep the feeling to myself.
Sometimes I find it hard to write about stuff because I'm either going to be embarrassed or I feel like someone might judge me because of it. But then again... I only know of one friend who reads this blog and she doesn't judge me. She hasn't yet and I don't believe she will. And there simply isn't a reason to worry about what anything anyone else might think, when I really don't know who might be reading this. And I'm pretty sure the only person who will read this is my friend.
A story to tell.
It is December. A very busy month indeed. Christmas is only days away and the stress of trying to accomplish things can literally drive someone insane. For me, it is especially difficult. I going to have to spend yet another Christmas away from my family. I would have loved to have been there to hang up Christmas lights, decorated the tree and be surrounded by people who have missed me and haven't been able to see me for the past year. And despite that, I still got to do that. And although it wasn't with my biological family, it was still with my Services family. It's a nice feeling when you can't be home. Simple things such putting up a Christmas tree can make me a better mood. Being able to decorate my office. Small things can also bring happiness.
But not all things go as planned.
A small group of friends had been for about 2 weeks had tried to get Christmas off together. It had finally had happened. We decided that we would spend it in Disneyland. It sounded great at first until my Japanese co-workers told us it would be a really bad time to go, with it being so crowded because of Christmas. But my friends were dead set on it, as much as I really didn't want to go at that point. Because not only would it be an expensive trip ($240 for hotel room and a pass to both Disneyland and Disneysea), but the thought of waiting in a line for 10 hours in a day didn't sound so appealing. But it was easier to be angry about it than to have them hate me because I didn't go with them.
It was decided. We were going to Disneyland. Or so they think.
The past couple of weeks were sort of stressful. Lots of work and very little down time. There had been multiple training days, different event going on, Japanese striking against the government and a lot of flippin' flight meals going out. To the point now where all I really kinda wanna do is lay on my bed all day watching anime (Bleach and Naruto FTW). But last night, things had happened. Because of the Training schedule, I was appointed to work for someone else's shift to cover the people who had training. Not a really big deal, but now I do want to ever be put back on shift ever again. Ugh. But then there were meals that needed to be done and so I spent an extra 2-3 hours overtime completing that little task. And I don't get paid overtime. Some of my friends work the night shift. I was there. Until the meal ended. I was dead tired. I was up at 6 am and I was still at work at 1 am the next day. I said my goodbyes to them. I had been a little down because I was there longer than necessary and I had found out that my extension had been denied.
I get a call the next morning. "Do you know what happened to night shift?" It was 5 am and I got about 3 hours of sleep. I told him I didn't and he said he'd call back. I fell back asleep. I can't run on 3 hours. I finally wake up around 9 and I get another call later.
Apparently my friend got arrested and I was going to take their place on shift that night. And the only thing I could think about was how the hell did they get arrested. In the dining facility? Did a Security Forces guy complain about a meal?
Story goes, they left sometime after I left so someone could go pay off their tab at a Bar. Okay. Understandable. But who watching the building? They left the building with no one watching and the doors are unlocked. And then they decide to go drinking and they DRIVE into base thinking someone might not notice. And from there you can only guess what happened. They got caught and they're in lots of trouble.
Sometimes I just wonder what goes through people's mind sometime. What makes you think it'll be okay? Sometimes my friends don't make the smartest choices. I just wanna punch in the face and ask what they were thinking, but when I do see them, I get less angry and more concerned. Because that's how I am.
And we won't find out what will happen till Monday. But I went out with him to go eat. He didn't want to be alone and I was happy enough to go along with him. It was nice. It's good to know someone can rely on you and that you make them feel better.
I'm hoping for a better year next year. Hopefully with less surprises and more blessings. Till next time (hopefully within the next week), I wish thee all well.
-Steph
Friday, September 28, 2007
What Am I Worried About.
Looks like I'm going for weekly Blogs. Since they have me on a crazy schedule where I won't know how many hours I work a day. I guess there won't be any art as well.
Worrying. I seem to do it a lot. Even if I don't need to worry, I worry that I forgot something. Because in some cases I do. I worry that my alarm will be set to 4 pm instead of 4 am. So I will go back and forth to my bed and to my alarm to make sure it is. But usually I only really worry about that when I go to bed late. Big Mistake. I spent the first half of my week going out and staying up late, which is fine because it's the only chance to hang out with friends. And I every time I went to bed, I worried about my alarm clock and was wondering if I'd sleep right through it. I spent several minutes looking at the clock. To make sure the alarm was set to the correct time. I probably only need to check it once. But I'm a very paranoid person, so I need to check it a couple more times because my brain will not retain the fact that I've set my alarm. And so, I was glad I didn't wake up late any of those times I spent staying up late.
Then came Wednesday night. Thursday is an important day. Not only did we have a meeting at work that day, but our training records were also due. They came to my room the night before to remind me that there was a meeting on Thursday in the morning so they could check our records. It didn't bother me because I didn't need to wake up any earlier since I would already be at work at that time. And I went to bed early that night. Because I wanted to regain the sleep I had lost. And I didn't worry. And because I didn't worry, I didn't worry about making sure my alarm clock was set to the right time. Much less set it at all. And I got back that lost sleep. Which means I also overslept. Which means I was late for work. Which also means that I did not make it to the meeting on time... Of all the days to be late, and I picked the worst one. The day that everyone was suppose to be there and I was missing. It kinda makes me stick out. And so I came to work WORRYING about getting into trouble. Lucky me. I didn't. And that's my little story of the week.
There was message at church one time, it was about how God told us to not worry or be afraid and to let him take care of it. Sometimes it's almost as if it's easier said than done. I would love for them to take care of my problems just like that. But then, I've spent my whole life worrying about everything and nothing. It's weird. It's a part of my personality, I guess. One that I hope will one day will not be a problem anymore. But there are many obstacles in life. I will just need to take things one step at a time. And being prepared doesn't hurt either. And probably getting off my butt and actually doing something instead of writing blogs and watching anime every spare minute of my time. :D yep.
Hmmm. I'm currently not worried about anything. But we'll see when I walk into work on Sunday.
If I wasn't so lazy, I'd scan some doodles that I did with marker. I think I'm getting better, but what I really want are those COPIC markers. They're made in Japan and I've yet to see any. D: That doesn't seem to make sense. But who knows, they're probably more expensive over here. How do those manga artist pay for those things? Eh, maybe next week I'll do some art.
Worrying. I seem to do it a lot. Even if I don't need to worry, I worry that I forgot something. Because in some cases I do. I worry that my alarm will be set to 4 pm instead of 4 am. So I will go back and forth to my bed and to my alarm to make sure it is. But usually I only really worry about that when I go to bed late. Big Mistake. I spent the first half of my week going out and staying up late, which is fine because it's the only chance to hang out with friends. And I every time I went to bed, I worried about my alarm clock and was wondering if I'd sleep right through it. I spent several minutes looking at the clock. To make sure the alarm was set to the correct time. I probably only need to check it once. But I'm a very paranoid person, so I need to check it a couple more times because my brain will not retain the fact that I've set my alarm. And so, I was glad I didn't wake up late any of those times I spent staying up late.
Then came Wednesday night. Thursday is an important day. Not only did we have a meeting at work that day, but our training records were also due. They came to my room the night before to remind me that there was a meeting on Thursday in the morning so they could check our records. It didn't bother me because I didn't need to wake up any earlier since I would already be at work at that time. And I went to bed early that night. Because I wanted to regain the sleep I had lost. And I didn't worry. And because I didn't worry, I didn't worry about making sure my alarm clock was set to the right time. Much less set it at all. And I got back that lost sleep. Which means I also overslept. Which means I was late for work. Which also means that I did not make it to the meeting on time... Of all the days to be late, and I picked the worst one. The day that everyone was suppose to be there and I was missing. It kinda makes me stick out. And so I came to work WORRYING about getting into trouble. Lucky me. I didn't. And that's my little story of the week.
There was message at church one time, it was about how God told us to not worry or be afraid and to let him take care of it. Sometimes it's almost as if it's easier said than done. I would love for them to take care of my problems just like that. But then, I've spent my whole life worrying about everything and nothing. It's weird. It's a part of my personality, I guess. One that I hope will one day will not be a problem anymore. But there are many obstacles in life. I will just need to take things one step at a time. And being prepared doesn't hurt either. And probably getting off my butt and actually doing something instead of writing blogs and watching anime every spare minute of my time. :D yep.
Hmmm. I'm currently not worried about anything. But we'll see when I walk into work on Sunday.
If I wasn't so lazy, I'd scan some doodles that I did with marker. I think I'm getting better, but what I really want are those COPIC markers. They're made in Japan and I've yet to see any. D: That doesn't seem to make sense. But who knows, they're probably more expensive over here. How do those manga artist pay for those things? Eh, maybe next week I'll do some art.
Friday, September 21, 2007
The Idea Sounded Good
A Blog. A journal for yourself or a way to tell friends or random people how you feel. A way to escape from the real world or to tell about you adventures. To pretend to be someone else even just for a little while. Or a way to track the progresses you've made and receive feedback. Me? I don't not know why I have a blog. I'm not very good at writing nor am I really that good at expressing myself. I friend said I should get one. They usually tell me I should get many things. But before I do, I always ask, "If I make an account and don't use it, will I be able to delete it." It's probably my way of saying I'm not very interested. Besides, we waste enough space on the internet with people who don't use something. I use DeviantArt for posting my art. But I'm sure there are many accounts that haven't been used in forever or were never really started. I have friends who have joined for my sake and some of them don't use their accounts anymore. It's now an empty page. Maybe someone else would be able to use the account. But wait. You aren't allowed to delete the account. So for the remainder of history, there will always be an account there of someone who only stayed for a while. And thus, the search for a user name will be much more difficult. I know this because I will usually spend an hour trying to figure out a screen name just to find out that it's already been taken. So this blog will be my experiment. I will see how long I will last before I get bored of blogging. Because my strong point is art and my weakest is writing. I'm sure my friend will nag at me so that I will post, but we'll see. And maybe in the process, I will be able to progress in my writing skills and maybe even my art.
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