Hmmm... I haven't updated in the longest.

I guess this whole blog this WAS one of those things I couldn't keep up with. It wasn't like I never thought about it, but more like every time I ever thought about writing something, it was at a time when I was A. Nowhere near a computer, B. Needed to be asleep, or C. Because I was just somehow distracted by something else. I usually try to think of themes for things I write. In other words, I guess I just take this so seriously. Like I'll be judged upon how I write in these things like it's some school essay. But most people just go with the flow regardless of who will be reading and/or what they might think. And to me, those people are the most interesting.

I like to observe things. Which is what causes me to stray from things I should be doing. And probably why I don't ever really get things done that either should be done or something I want accomplished. I do not post on DA a lot. And mostly it's because I would like to have something at LEAST decent to put on there and most of the time, I don't. But I do like spending hours looking at other people's pictures. I like detail pictures (and no, they don't have to be anime) and I would like to imagine how one would be able to create such a thing using any kind of program. I'm used to using OpenCanvas and MS Paint. So much for my advancement. But it's just amazing what people will come up with. And I'm also impressed at some of the ages of these certain people and just amazed at how much they can do and just knowing the potential they can have or already have. And even though it impresses me, it also at the same time, makes me kind of depressed. How can someone still in High school or middle school acquire such talents? Sometimes I wonder if I would ever make it as an artist. Of course, I think I do pretty well considering the tools I have. I may not always think the best of my art, but it's appreciated when someone thinks it's nice.

Unless it's only because it's decent FANART. Then I don't really consider myself that great.

But also, I'm interested in writing even if I don't do well in it myself. I like to read little articles when I see them. Mostly, I just like to read other people's opinion and observations. Or stories. Because they're nice and real. I think I get the most joy out of them. And sometimes, I wish I could come up with some story about my life, even for just a few sentences. But for me, I find it hard to put things into words. I don't feel as if I put enough emotion it for anyone to really know how I felt. Or maybe, it's because I would like to keep the feeling to myself.

Sometimes I find it hard to write about stuff because I'm either going to be embarrassed or I feel like someone might judge me because of it. But then again... I only know of one friend who reads this blog and she doesn't judge me. She hasn't yet and I don't believe she will. And there simply isn't a reason to worry about what anything anyone else might think, when I really don't know who might be reading this. And I'm pretty sure the only person who will read this is my friend.

A story to tell.

It is December. A very busy month indeed. Christmas is only days away and the stress of trying to accomplish things can literally drive someone insane. For me, it is especially difficult. I going to have to spend yet another Christmas away from my family. I would have loved to have been there to hang up Christmas lights, decorated the tree and be surrounded by people who have missed me and haven't been able to see me for the past year. And despite that, I still got to do that. And although it wasn't with my biological family, it was still with my Services family. It's a nice feeling when you can't be home. Simple things such putting up a Christmas tree can make me a better mood. Being able to decorate my office. Small things can also bring happiness.

But not all things go as planned.

A small group of friends had been for about 2 weeks had tried to get Christmas off together. It had finally had happened. We decided that we would spend it in Disneyland. It sounded great at first until my Japanese co-workers told us it would be a really bad time to go, with it being so crowded because of Christmas. But my friends were dead set on it, as much as I really didn't want to go at that point. Because not only would it be an expensive trip ($240 for hotel room and a pass to both Disneyland and Disneysea), but the thought of waiting in a line for 10 hours in a day didn't sound so appealing. But it was easier to be angry about it than to have them hate me because I didn't go with them.

It was decided. We were going to Disneyland. Or so they think.

The past couple of weeks were sort of stressful. Lots of work and very little down time. There had been multiple training days, different event going on, Japanese striking against the government and a lot of flippin' flight meals going out. To the point now where all I really kinda wanna do is lay on my bed all day watching anime (Bleach and Naruto FTW). But last night, things had happened. Because of the Training schedule, I was appointed to work for someone else's shift to cover the people who had training. Not a really big deal, but now I do want to ever be put back on shift ever again. Ugh. But then there were meals that needed to be done and so I spent an extra 2-3 hours overtime completing that little task. And I don't get paid overtime. Some of my friends work the night shift. I was there. Until the meal ended. I was dead tired. I was up at 6 am and I was still at work at 1 am the next day. I said my goodbyes to them. I had been a little down because I was there longer than necessary and I had found out that my extension had been denied.

I get a call the next morning. "Do you know what happened to night shift?" It was 5 am and I got about 3 hours of sleep. I told him I didn't and he said he'd call back. I fell back asleep. I can't run on 3 hours. I finally wake up around 9 and I get another call later.

Apparently my friend got arrested and I was going to take their place on shift that night. And the only thing I could think about was how the hell did they get arrested. In the dining facility? Did a Security Forces guy complain about a meal?

Story goes, they left sometime after I left so someone could go pay off their tab at a Bar. Okay. Understandable. But who watching the building? They left the building with no one watching and the doors are unlocked. And then they decide to go drinking and they DRIVE into base thinking someone might not notice. And from there you can only guess what happened. They got caught and they're in lots of trouble.

Sometimes I just wonder what goes through people's mind sometime. What makes you think it'll be okay? Sometimes my friends don't make the smartest choices. I just wanna punch in the face and ask what they were thinking, but when I do see them, I get less angry and more concerned. Because that's how I am.

And we won't find out what will happen till Monday. But I went out with him to go eat. He didn't want to be alone and I was happy enough to go along with him. It was nice. It's good to know someone can rely on you and that you make them feel better.

I'm hoping for a better year next year. Hopefully with less surprises and more blessings. Till next time (hopefully within the next week), I wish thee all well.

-Steph

What Am I Worried About.

Looks like I'm going for weekly Blogs. Since they have me on a crazy schedule where I won't know how many hours I work a day. I guess there won't be any art as well.

Worrying. I seem to do it a lot. Even if I don't need to worry, I worry that I forgot something. Because in some cases I do. I worry that my alarm will be set to 4 pm instead of 4 am. So I will go back and forth to my bed and to my alarm to make sure it is. But usually I only really worry about that when I go to bed late. Big Mistake. I spent the first half of my week going out and staying up late, which is fine because it's the only chance to hang out with friends. And I every time I went to bed, I worried about my alarm clock and was wondering if I'd sleep right through it. I spent several minutes looking at the clock. To make sure the alarm was set to the correct time. I probably only need to check it once. But I'm a very paranoid person, so I need to check it a couple more times because my brain will not retain the fact that I've set my alarm. And so, I was glad I didn't wake up late any of those times I spent staying up late.
Then came Wednesday night. Thursday is an important day. Not only did we have a meeting at work that day, but our training records were also due. They came to my room the night before to remind me that there was a meeting on Thursday in the morning so they could check our records. It didn't bother me because I didn't need to wake up any earlier since I would already be at work at that time. And I went to bed early that night. Because I wanted to regain the sleep I had lost. And I didn't worry. And because I didn't worry, I didn't worry about making sure my alarm clock was set to the right time. Much less set it at all. And I got back that lost sleep. Which means I also overslept. Which means I was late for work. Which also means that I did not make it to the meeting on time... Of all the days to be late, and I picked the worst one. The day that everyone was suppose to be there and I was missing. It kinda makes me stick out. And so I came to work WORRYING about getting into trouble. Lucky me. I didn't. And that's my little story of the week.
There was message at church one time, it was about how God told us to not worry or be afraid and to let him take care of it. Sometimes it's almost as if it's easier said than done. I would love for them to take care of my problems just like that. But then, I've spent my whole life worrying about everything and nothing. It's weird. It's a part of my personality, I guess. One that I hope will one day will not be a problem anymore. But there are many obstacles in life. I will just need to take things one step at a time. And being prepared doesn't hurt either. And probably getting off my butt and actually doing something instead of writing blogs and watching anime every spare minute of my time. :D yep.

Hmmm. I'm currently not worried about anything. But we'll see when I walk into work on Sunday.

If I wasn't so lazy, I'd scan some doodles that I did with marker. I think I'm getting better, but what I really want are those COPIC markers. They're made in Japan and I've yet to see any. D: That doesn't seem to make sense. But who knows, they're probably more expensive over here. How do those manga artist pay for those things? Eh, maybe next week I'll do some art.

The Idea Sounded Good

A Blog. A journal for yourself or a way to tell friends or random people how you feel. A way to escape from the real world or to tell about you adventures. To pretend to be someone else even just for a little while. Or a way to track the progresses you've made and receive feedback. Me? I don't not know why I have a blog. I'm not very good at writing nor am I really that good at expressing myself. I friend said I should get one. They usually tell me I should get many things. But before I do, I always ask, "If I make an account and don't use it, will I be able to delete it." It's probably my way of saying I'm not very interested. Besides, we waste enough space on the internet with people who don't use something. I use DeviantArt for posting my art. But I'm sure there are many accounts that haven't been used in forever or were never really started. I have friends who have joined for my sake and some of them don't use their accounts anymore. It's now an empty page. Maybe someone else would be able to use the account. But wait. You aren't allowed to delete the account. So for the remainder of history, there will always be an account there of someone who only stayed for a while. And thus, the search for a user name will be much more difficult. I know this because I will usually spend an hour trying to figure out a screen name just to find out that it's already been taken. So this blog will be my experiment. I will see how long I will last before I get bored of blogging. Because my strong point is art and my weakest is writing. I'm sure my friend will nag at me so that I will post, but we'll see. And maybe in the process, I will be able to progress in my writing skills and maybe even my art.